Bpd splitting and relationship sabotage

bpd splitting and relationship sabotage

Are your relationships characterized by extreme ups and downs? If so, you might be Want to know whether splitting is sabotaging your relationships? Here are . That bullet-point list reads like a checklist for Borderline Personality Disorder. Mar 27, Self-sabotaging (relationships, jobs, etc.) is a fairly common habit of people with borderline personality disorder. Personally, I think I sabotage. How to prevent sabotaging relationships by blaming your partner for how you feel , If there is no real evidence to warrant your feelings, you could be splitting or projecting. A person with a borderline personality disorder may feel bad about .

If someone is sad, I want to fix it.

29 Ways People With Borderline Personality Disorder Self-Sabotage | The Mighty

I understand now those actions are results of my BPD thoughts. So I quit the job before that can happen. I question everything and take it to heart so I cannot see myself in a positive light and I also apologize for everything, regardless of fault.

I also reduce into a state of depression and can spend whole days in bed or cry for an hour-long shower. I can ghost you longer and faster.

BPD and Splitting , Extremes, etc

But then I find something online I want to share with them and I become friends with them again. Sometimes, even when I feel like I am most stable, I find myself reaching for food as a way to hurt myself the most. Stress or feeling guilty about things that may or may not be my fault, always leads me to binge on food. Empathy is a very common trait in people with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder — one of my biggest fears is hurting someone.

I tend to always find the bad in people. Basically let everyone down around me and then I sit back and taunt myself, trying to come up with a good reason as to why I do this. I become so dissociated and my muscles hurt from the lack of movement. This cycle only worsens my depression and my self-hatred, but I feel stuck and have for years now. My paranoid thoughts always make me think other people are sabotaging me or my potential happiness when they point out the red flags too.

bpd splitting and relationship sabotage

When my partner hugs me or my kids hug me, a voice inside my head constantly tells me I am not worthy of their love. I either cringe or pull away. I have to force myself to hug my children and to remember to do it enough to make them feel loved.

It makes me feel horrible to have to force myself to do something that should just be freely given.

bpd splitting and relationship sabotage

In this way, splitting magnifies the problem, making it seem far worse. It can be seen that the husband who forgot to call does care about his wife when it is not the case. A wife may not think her spouse loves her, no matter what he says. When the BPD person is caught in the negative side of the split, anything her partner says will be seen as if he is bad unloving or uncaring because it brings up how bad she feels not good enough. Signs that the BPD splitting defence mechanism is sabotaging your relationship The person with BPD often uses splitting when the feelings are so overwhelming that the person reacts to get rid of them; for instance sending abusive messages or breaking up in the heat of the moment.

Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away. Borderline splitting destroys relationships when a person accuses their partner of things because of how they feel, without examining the evidence. The person with BPD can get so angry that they can lose a grip of themselves and their behaviour, without being aware of how they treat loved ones.

bpd splitting and relationship sabotage

Often, the borderline who splits sees themselves as the victim, who is being mistreated. They may not see their actions as destructive. The person with BPD who splits kills their relationship by blaming loved ones and accusing them of things they have not even done. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. The person with borderline personality disorder can take things the wrong way, often thinking that their partner is putting them down when they are offering feedback.

BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. It hard to let go of that feeling, unless they do something reckless to unleash the anger, causing the borderline splitting to sabotage relationships. Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated.

When they break up, they often forget the positive things about their partner, until the partner has gone.

bpd splitting and relationship sabotage

Relationships fall apart as splitting causes the borderline to say things in the heat of the moment and regret saying them afterward.

Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them.

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Therapy assists the borderline to deal with their feelings, instead of blaming their partner for their past wounds. Often, whatever they say can be taken the wrong way, so they either give up or defend. In this way, the BPD splitting destroys the relationship. When their partner attempts to explain how they are taking them in the wrong way, the splitting person becomes more defensive, causing their partner to blame them in return.

This triggers the borderline to feel worse and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive. In this way, the person that is splitting believes that their partner is at fault because of what they are feeling.

The borderline person thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain. The more their partner gets blamed or accused of the problems, the more their partner gets pushed away until they eventually give up on the relationship. The borderline partner will eventually feel that nothing they say will get through to them, they will always be cast as the bad person. The defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death.

Relationships become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly. BPD splitting destroys relationships in this way. In couples counselling, the borderline partner who is splitting will usually explain why their partner is the problem, in order to fix them. They usually attempt to split the therapist against their partner.

This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys relationships. The relationship will not change if they each blame each other. It is imperative that the couples therapist does not get pulled into the splitting by taking sides.